Kumi Koda – “Ecstasy” (#1 in Japan)

Background: Japanese singer Kumi Koda (神田 來未子) is - let's get this out of the way - dead sexy. She's prolific as hell, too. Only in her late twenties, Koda has already had more than forty singles and seven albums. Phew! She's like the Japanese Brittney Spears, without the meltdown or trashy streak. That's not to say that Koda hasn't been the subject of minor controversy. First there's her increasingly-sexy image, and the following talk show quote: "When women turn 35, their amniotic fluid goes rotten, so I'd like them to have a child by 35." Let's concentrate on the big hits, huh Kumi? Science really isn't your strong suit.

Song: Not an entirely exciting nor dull dance track, this J-techno bouncer features a bevy of competing synthesizers, a thudding drum track, and Komi's odd auto-tuned vocals. Nothing you'd want to keep on repeat, but better than anything by ear-punishing AKB48, that's for goddamn sure.

Video: We're privy here to a high octane fashion shoot of which Ms. Koda is the star. She dresses up in wigs and spandex, tries on blinds and a motorcycle, and at one point plays with a drippy white substance. Um...

Rating: 5 out of 10

Wosh MC – “Presenta” (#10 in Bulgaria)

Background: Rap music is popular everywhere, and even Bulgaria just had to throw their two cents in. This is Wosh MC, a pasty white European who decided he had something to add. If only we knew what...

Song: To his credit, Wosh MC raps in Bulgarian instead of trying to flow in English like so many other international MCs, which is equally refreshing and befuddling. One thing's for sure - he's fast. He might look like an even more Aryan Eminem but his rhymes are fast enough to recall Twista.

Video: What are most rap videos like here in the States? Well, you've got liquor being poured, booties shaking, and dudes trying their darndest to look and act like assholes. To contrast, Wosh MC's video has someone dancing in a bunny suit and various, multi-ethnic people rapping in a subway. No overt sexism, money-spewing materialism or hints of past or future violence? This can't be rap.

Rating: 6 out of 10

An interesting take on the genre, but still not overtly original. Throw Fat Joe and Ashanti on this track instead of our man here, and it could innocuously pass for any given hip-hop track. Come on and shock us, Wosh! Just because The Black Eyed Peas are popular here doesn't mean we're going to settle for just any crap...just crap with Fergie in it.

Linkin Park - "New Divide" (#1 in Taiwan)

The Group: Is it reassuring or worrisome to learn that Linkin Park is not a regional problem, but a worldwide one? This wuss-angst, nu-metal California studio creation has been clotting the radio and charts for the last ten years. Like a recurring rash, they disappear for months at a time only to reappear as inflamed and irritating as ever.

Song: What can even be said about this track? It's a muddle of grey noise destined for a Best Buy commercial. On the plus side, there's no hammy rap from Mike Shinoda.

Video: Scenes from the film Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen blend, all Matrix-like, into the visage of the band as they work through yet another rote addition to their catalog of nearly identical tracks. Hey Taiwan - if you're really into them, you can have them!

Rating: 2 out of 10

Even for a band like Linkin Park - who make Limp Bizkit sound like trailblazers - this is pretty weak stuff. Almost as weak as a patently moronic and gluttonous feature length film adapted from a franchise of children's comics. But not quite.