Sylver – "Foreign Affair" (#5 in Belgium)

Background: Sylver is a home-grown Belgium group featuring Silvy De Bie on vocals and Wout Van Dessel and Regi Penxten doing production work. De Bie was on the popular television show De Kinderacademie and Dessel had already made his name as a DJ in the club scene before forming Sylver.

Song: This is music for the discotheque, so it shouldn't be surprising that this song is very repetitive. The one verse, which De Bie sings over and over (most of it is in English) is really not interesting enough to support an entire song. Unfortunately, that's all we're given.

Video: Singer De Bie basically lays around being sexy, is waited upon by an attractive Asian girl and plays with a snake. Her less fortunate band members, Van Dessel and Penxten, get arrested in customs for an unspecified reason. In a holding cell, two busty female guards rough them up for a bit. A flier or magazine or something then makes an appearance, and a photo of the band is enough to convince the guards that Van Dessel and Penxten have a gig. The video ends at a gig in an enchanted garden, wherein a bunch of beautiful people dance provocatively.

Rating: 3 out of 10

The video is full of good-looking women and quick flashes of scenery, and it's nice enough. The songs itself has a lot to be desired, starting with real verses or a real chorus or at least some new words. There's a good chance that the song is less annoying if you're dancing to it.

J.J. Lin – “Always Online” (#2 in China)

Background: This guy, J.J. Lin, has already released six albums despite the fact that he hasn’t yet hit thirty. Wikipedia reports that the Chinese Singaporean isn't just a successful singer, but is also the star of shows including Hanazakarino Kimitachihe, and he does voice-over work as well.

Song: Unlike some of Lin’s more schmaltzy stuff, this song has a bumpin’ beat. It also features a nice touch of downtempo keys which are then combined with a more assertive synthesizer part, akin to what Ne-Yo has been up to lately. It’s a sound that’s going to sound dated in just a few years, but the chorus is head-turning regardless and Lin’s got a nice voice. A goofy rap appears midway through the song, as on obvious inspiration “This Love” by Justin Timberlake. It sounds as though someone is saying: “Little chick having chips on my sofa/ Mayor Bricks take a shit on my sofa/ Sponge babies lying on my sofa.”

Rating: 7 out of 10

Not bad, really! This was a welcome surprise. "Always Online" is danceable but not brainless. Dance-pop has been done up much worse, that's for sure. It won't be a cross-over success here in the States, which is too bad for Tiger Beat-buying teenage girls.

Helmut Fritz – “Ca M’enerve” (#1 in France)

Background: Helmut Fritz is a newcomer to the scene, with just one album - En Observation - to his name so far. The hit single off that record is this song, "Ça m'énerve.” My father, a native Parisian, explained that the title of this song means: "It annoys me." Thanks dad!

Song: "Ça m'énerve" has a general groove that recalls “Show Me Love” but with an edge. If the song took itself more seriously it might not work, but as it stands it's appropriately fun.

Video: Easily the most enjoyable facet of this song, the video features Fritz having a no good, very bad day. He's turned out of “Club V.I.P.,” is shafted out of getting a taxi cab, and suffers other indignities. Fritz is also supposed to be imitating a German singer in this video but the nuances of his satire are lost on this writer. Those kooky Europeans!

Rating: 6 out of 10

What have we learned so far? People around the world love to dance. And if you're going to dance, you could do a lot worse than with this cheeky French dude.

Mironas Stratis – “Pano Ap’ Ola” (#1 in Greece)

Background: It’s difficult to learn anything about the Greek group and/or person named Mironas Stratis (or, spelled elsewhere, Myrwnas Stratis). What we do know is that the trio in this song favor guitars over synthesizers and that they also enjoy group harmonies.

Song: “Pano Ap’ Ola” is not going to change your life or likely cause you to plunge deep into modern Greek music. But the track, while not particularly amazing or kick ass, is still full of sharp guitar hooks and nice vocals that recall the excellent Mexican rock group, Volovan.

Video: The video features the band jamming out in different places. The underlying rule is that everyone looks like they’re having a great time playing, and plenty of time is devoted to framing the face of the lead singer, who looks like a more with-it Zac Efron. The slightly more schlubby bassist rocks a ponytail, and the drummer, a hat.

Rating: 6 out of 10

Guys, we could at least have a bridge. Nothing about this song makes it particularly memorable, let alone something to warrant it breaking into the top 10 - even the Greek top 10. But it’s not bad, and at least we get a break from all of the synthesizers.

AKB48 - "Namida Surprise" (#2 in Japan)

The Group: This is interesting - apparently AKB48 is some sort of musical theater group with 48 members, all of whom are female. The 48 girls are broken up into three teams (A, K, B) and they have their own theater in Japan where they perform nine times a week. In other words, AKB48 is less a band and more of a franchise. And you thought boy bands were as manufactured as it got!

Song: Yeah, the song is less exciting than the concept behind the group, unfortunately. A chorus of female voices spin through what is a predictably up-tempo dance number that refuses to quit. Like our own Hannah Montana, this is the sort of artist that isn't going to make a big impression on individuals over the age of thirteen (with a few creepy exceptions).

Video: The video begins with a girl daydreaming in class, and her fellow students decide to have some good-natured fun with her by "kidnapping" her and leading her on an expedition of dancing and singing, finally rewarding her with cake. While she starts off as kind of a "nerd" in the video (she's wearing glasses!) by the end she's shed them and it's tough to tell who's who - no thanks to the uniforms everyone is wearing. Speaking of, it's a little difficult not to watch this video and be reminded of the very popular Japanese schoolgirl fetish, especially when our heroine is being blindfolded and pushed around (albeit playfully) by her friends. However, the overall mood of the video is sickly-sweet enough to discourage perversity.

Rating: 1 out of 10

This is kind of anathema to my ears, but I'm not exactly the target market for AKB48, so my critique of this piercing, irritating track means little. Something tells me, though, that even 8-year old Japanese kids might find this insulting to their intelligence.