“MacArthur Park” is a lesson in overindulgence, and if “He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)” doesn’t make a case for the need for the sweeping societal changes of the late ‘60s, I don’t know what does. Join us as we look at these and other missteps from great minds, which act as proof positive that no career is all upswings and champagne. If you haven’t landed at least one stinker, then you’re probably not trying hard enough.

The Beach Boys – "That Same Song"

With Brian Wilson slipping further and further away from his bandmates and into mental illness, The Beach Boys chose to soldier on with limited involvement from their resident genius, and still managing to release terrific records like Friends, Sunflower and Holland without the guiding eye of the eldest Wilson brother who had steered the band through career highs like Today!, and, of course, Pet Sounds. After this long absence, Brian was purportedly improving (thanks to hired “therapist”/hack Dr. Eugene Landy), and hype began to boil regarding Wilson’s return. To capitalize on the sudden interest in the band, The Beach Boys released two albums - 15 Big Ones and Love You. While Love You was a quirky, synthy batch of tunes, 15 Big Ones was a hackneyed stab at nostalgia, featuring mostly cover songs like “Chapel of Love.” The nadir of the album is the original composition “That Same Song,” that trades in talk-singing regarding the origins of music, featuring the lyrics “Well back in time/ With just rhythm and rhyme/ Gregorian chants were a real big thing.”

Wilson is obviously uncomfortable during the recording of this number, despite the presence of the bubbly Alexander Hamilton Double Rock Baptist Choir and his friends and family. The silver lining, thank goodness, is that Brian was not only recovered, but continues to inspire us with his voice and songs, even completing the Smile project that many had given up for dead.

Jimmy Webb – “MacArthur Park”

Jimmy Webb is one of those storied songwriters who has opted to stay in the background while a host of other performers, from Elvis, The 5th Dimension, Bob Dylan, and perhaps most notably, Glen Campbell, turned his compositions into huge hits.

Part of Webb’s appeal is his tendency to get caught in sticky-sweet melodrama, which manifests itself both in the maudlin pace and orchestration of his songs, and also in the often-resigned tone of his lyricism, many of which feature characters looking to the past with a pained nostalgia.

Webb’s worst tendencies came to fruition with “MacArthur Park,” a bloated work of forced melancholy and tired hubris that spawned at least two hit versions – Richard Harris’ 1968 version, and Donna Summer’s 1978 cover. If “disco epic” doesn’t instantly make you nauseous, perhaps you need to revisit all of the nearly nine minutes Summer spends, live, resurrecting a terrible song for a new generation of unlucky listeners. Using cake as a metaphor for a failed relationship(!), Webb’s lyrics almost cry out for parody, especially the closing stanza: “I don’t think I can take it/ ‘cause it took so long to bake it/ and I’ll never have that recipe again.”

Gerry Goffin and Carole King – “He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)”

Phil Spector’s production work gets all the attention, but the songwriting chops behind some of his most beloved musical successes were the result of the songwriting duo of Gerry Goffin and Carole King, a couple whose output includes ‘60s classics like “Will You Love Me Tomorrow,” “The Loco-Motion,” “Up on the Roof,” “One Fine Day,” and many more. Their songs were performed by everyone from Aretha Franklin to The Byrds, and produced many hits.

This particular Goffin/King/Spector collaboration, for the song “He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss),” was recorded by The Crystals in 1962. Truly horrifying, the lyrics are an unblinking account of an abused woman’s defense of her tormentor, as expressed in lyrics like “He hit me and it felt like a kiss/ He hit me and I knew he loved me.”

Chillingly making a case for the abusive boyfriend – he loves her! – “He Hit Me” is augmented by an overblown but stirring string score, which makes this listening experience even more disturbing. It’s hard to say how much better the song would be without the lyrics, but by these creator’s standards, “He Hit Me” is – lyrics or not - a more plodding, diminutive and saccharine composition than the majority of their other collaborations. Either way, it’s a hard sell to begin with, and even updates by Grizzly Bear or, ugh, Hole can hardly make a case for even the bare-boned melody of this song.

Neil Young – “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”

We could pick something from Young’s iffy ‘80s output like Trans or Everybody’s Rockin’ but shit, let’s go straight for the cheesy jugular. Critics and fans lose it when it comes to two of Young’s best albums, Harvest and After the Goldrush, but both albums have a wack quotient usually ignored. Harvest has the schlocky orchestration of “There’s a World,” and After the Goldrush features the sappy “Only Love Can Break Your Heart” thrown in amongst timeless cuts like “Southern Man.” Were it not for the trademark voice, this song could pass for one of Captain and Tennille’s mushy ballads any day. Furthermore, what’s with the title lyric? What else but love would break your heart? Hatred? Annoyance?

Paul McCartney – “Wonderful Christmas Time”

It was difficult to pick which one of Paul McCartney’s worst compositions for this list. Should it be the preachy “Give Ireland Back to the Irish?” Maybe “Ebony and Ivory?” But a quick refresher with “Wonderful Christmas Time” put all doubts to rest. The ditzy synthesizer, the dull lyrics, and the off-kilter chorus vocals all push this track to the forefront. If Beatles fans found themselves arguing about the quality of “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da,” in the past, one can only imagine what they thought of this late-period McCartney exercise in irritation.